IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS

Al's Music Box:: Driving Home For Christmas by Chris Rea.  Chris died today at age 74 after a short illness.  For the past half dozen years or so, I have posted this song each Christmas.  It's a favorite of mine.  

GROANER'S CORNER:((Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States::

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
6. Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can't understand you, either.
7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck " or "big ol' boy." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
9. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
11. If there is a prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

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Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children...Just like the bottle says.

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Teacher: "Your spelling is really improving, Henry, I only counted three mistakes."
Henry: "That's great!"
Teacher: "And now, let's check the second sentence."

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- Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 8 9.

- What do you call a travelling flea?  An itch hiker
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The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!  "That's right!" said the teacher. "How about this one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.
"That's a lion!" answered a little boy. "Right!" said the teacher.  Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"
Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!"

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Al's Doggy World

Meanings::

Your Religion should make you gentler, not louder; humble, not superior; more loving, not more judgmental

Al's Art Gallery

WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO

 MAX WAS THE FIRST FOUR-LEGGED MEMBER OF THE BAYFIELD BUNCH WAY BACK WHEN

With nothing better to do, I drove myself up to Goderich this morning, grabbed a Buddy Burger and a coffee to go at A&W, and came home again.  And, how was your exciting winter's day??:))

Al's Music Box::  Carol Of The Bells by George Winston.

 A WINTER'S MORNING AT THE RANCH IN ARIZONA YEARS AGO

GROANER'S CORNER:(( One day, an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.  When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:  "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"  "Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what about the other?" "They called back!

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Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Q: Why did the little Moron keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So he could keep the refrigerator cold.
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Quitting pot? It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian, because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

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Three elderly men are taking a walk outside their nursing home. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

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A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place.  I am always going around the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married, I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, you wash when you are done and put it back in its place.'"  The first woman asked, "Did it help?"  Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

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Al's Doggy World

Meanings::

Al's Art Gallery

I'M STILL HERE

Not much going on, but I'm still here somewhere:))

Al's Music Box:(( Song For A Winter's Night by Gordon Lightfoot.

GROANER'S CORNER:(( A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and calls over the head waiter saying, “I’d like one undercooked egg so that it’s running, and one overcooked egg that tough and hard to chew. I’d also like some grilled bacon on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a cup of very weak, lukewarm dishwater coffee.”  That’s a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “But it can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”

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A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour than we get paid for medical care."  "Yeah, but you see, doc, you always have the same model; it hasn't changed since Adam, but we have to keep up to date with new models coming in every month."

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How much room is needed for fungi to grow?  As mushroom as possible.

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Have you ever talked about a movie with someone who read the book? They're always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie was no reading!!

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An English professor wrote the sentence "A Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to correct it. The guys wrote "Woman, without her man, is nothing."  The girls wrote "Woman! Without her, man is nothing!!

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A zookeeper is ordering new animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese”. That doesn’t look quite right, so he tries two mongoose, and then two mongooses.  Giving up, he types, “One mongoose, and while you’re at it, send another one.”

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Al's Doggy World

Meanings::

Al's Art Gallery