IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS

Al's Music Box:: Driving Home For Christmas by Chris Rea.  Chris died today at age 74 after a short illness.  For the past half dozen years or so, I have posted this song each Christmas.  It's a favorite of mine.  

GROANER'S CORNER:((Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States::

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.
4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"
6. Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can't understand you, either.
7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck " or "big ol' boy." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
9. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.
10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
11. If there is a prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

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Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children...Just like the bottle says.

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Teacher: "Your spelling is really improving, Henry, I only counted three mistakes."
Henry: "That's great!"
Teacher: "And now, let's check the second sentence."

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- Why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 8 9.

- What do you call a travelling flea?  An itch hiker
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The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!  "That's right!" said the teacher. "How about this one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.
"That's a lion!" answered a little boy. "Right!" said the teacher.  Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"
Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!"

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Al's Doggy World

Meanings::

Your Religion should make you gentler, not louder; humble, not superior; more loving, not more judgmental

Al's Art Gallery